The men that compile the contestants on Daisy of Love are some serious degenerates, but since Daisy herself was on Rock of Love 2, they seem to be on par with one another. Daisy looks like a Muppet. And couldn’t they have picked a better name for the show?! The opening credits show lots of drinking, fighting, and general male debauchery. Daisy de la Hoya is the cousin of Oscar de la Hoya, and she is a pocket-sized bundle of big lips and an even bigger surgery bill. Host Riki Rachtman immediately identifies 12 Pack from both “I Love New York” and “I Love Money”. Is it my imagination, or did Daisy’s breasts get even bigger? The pint-sized douche magnet needs to knock off the bad plastic surgery that is now covering each pillowcase within the house. The heavy drinking begins immediately, and I am extremely creeped out by the Swedish triplets that all really look like chicks. I thought one was Daisy! That is, until two of the scrawny thing began dipping hot dogs in salsa and then I knew it had to have a dick because no self-respecting female would eat that shit.
Daisy begins nicknaming the men delightful things like Flipper (man in thong who does backflip), Sinister for the dark rocker, Torch for a kid with hair dyed like flames, Professor for the high school taecher, and so on. Then there’s the one with a 6-gauge piercing through his peen. That ain’t right. 12 Pack is acting all kinds of bizarro. He says he didn’t know if she was a woman or a man on the show?! Does he know yet that he’s being filmed and this will end up on television and Daisy will see it? At the mixer, the triplets say they’re here for free food and free booze. She has her first makeout sesh with Fox, the weasly Ricky Martin-lookin’ character. We’re halfway through, this can only get better…or worse, depending on your opinion.
Next, man thong does a backflip off of the scaffolding and I’m anxiously awaiting a splat, but there’s only a splash since he jumps into the pool. London is throwing up in the sink after drinking too much (oh, in the hall on the way to the sink). And theeeen he passes out in a closet. Things look grim, since most people don’t make it past elimination when they’re too drunk to make it through a backyard BBQ on the first night. When 12 Pack and Daisy chat, she licks the lower half of his face rather than kissing him. Then she decides to go ahead and eliminate some people. First: the triplets, who take half the BBQ with them. On the commercial break, I see a preview for the new season of Charm School. And don’t you fear, I’ll totally be watching it. I know, I can’t help myself!!! My DVR makes it all too easy.
Weasel is passed out in his bunk and as a result, some of the guys write on him as punishment. At elimination, he makes it in but didn’t bother to clean himself up. London is there, too, out of his closet stupor apparently. Leading the pack again, Fox gets the first chain. Filling out the group to make it through Night No. 1 is Flex, 6-Gauge, Chichi, Sinister, Big Rig, Flipper, 12 Pack, Gauge, Professor, Cable Guy, Brooklyn, Tool Box, Weasel, and lastly, closet sleeper London. Dropout and Torch went home tonight. Flasks are distributed. Let’s all toast to Daisy and her upcoming tongue action!
Peroxide — I’m sorry, Daisy — of Love is on VH1 on Sunday mornings, and repeats again Sunday evening, and about 30 other times throughout the week, I’m sure. You don’t want to miss this trash!
